Christmas is only four weeks away so I decided I would write this in hopes of a truly “Merry Christmas” for all the fly fishermen out there. As a Christian man, I understand that Christmas is supposed to only be about the birth of our Savior; however as far back as I can remember, I have been trained that it is more about the physical gifts. I remember struggling with this so hard in my first marriage, I think it was my second Christmas being married and I thought I had been particularly good that year. I had been eyeballing a new fishing vest and had dropped several hints as to how much I needed a new one and was convinced my wife was going to get me one for Christmas. I eagerly awaited and checked out my wrapped gift for the full two weeks before Christmas. Some nights I would shake it and weigh it and I was convinced it was the vest and perhaps a new fly box as well. Well, when Christmas Eve arrived I patiently let the kids open all of their presents and then I was finally able to rip open mine. I tore off the paper and could not believe what I was looking at; A toolbox and a pair of dress socks. I am sure I said thanks but was definitely thinking “wtheck”; I own 4 screwdrivers, three wrenches and one pair of Visegrips that are scattered among the 10 stores we owned. And the socks? I wear shorts all but about one month out of the year. What will these ever be used for?
This blog is the attempt at making sure our readers never have to go through Christmas frustrated again. This blog will be set up as the ultimate Christmas gift getting guide for the fly angler with leeway as to what kind of husband you have been during the year. The hardest part will be for you and your wife to determine the husband category that you fall into this year. I have set up a very simple five, three, and one star husband graph determined by the characteristics and actions of said husband and then set up a corresponding gift list for achieved category.
First husband will be the five star husband *****
This is the husband that has had less than two serious arguments throughout the year and in both cases, came to his senses and apologized before things got out of control. This person delivered a perfect date night at least twice a month for the entire year and never once got caught checking out the hot waitress(Texas Roadhouse or Red Lobster). This person allowed the spouse to pick the vacation itinerary and never once complained about how stupid the museums, the opera or the ambiance were. This person continued to pay the credit card bill on time and never once mentioned that they needed to be a little more prudent in the budgeting tactics. This person was needed to be reminded less than five times for the year that the trash, the lawn and the vacuuming needed to be done. I will now leave a little space for you to add a few of your own.
Second husband will be the three star husband***
This is the more typical of the husbands out there, he is generally looked at as being a great guy but a few times a year lets his anger get out of control and causes the wife to cry and the kids to think they are getting a divorce and then, after finally coming to his senses and makes the proper apology with flowers and dinner(Chilis or Applebees). This person gets caught either looking at things on the computer or scrambled late night Cinemax a few times during the year. This persons’ date night sometimes gets cut short in order to get home in time for Sportcenter. This persons vacations end up in either a camper trailer at San Isabel or in a camper trailer on a beach where he swears he had no idea that it was Spring Break and the beach would be packed with barely covered young ladies. This person is generally pretty good at the household chores but now and then blurts out that the kids can take out the trash as well as he can. Once again, here is some space to add a few of your own.
The third husband is the one star husband*
This is the couple that ended up together because it was easier than breaking up. Arguments are of very little need because you don’t really care what the other thinks. Vacations are wherever. Chores sometimes get done sometime they don’t. Intimacy happens when Sportcenter is either over or not at all. I will not leave space to add your own due to the fact that it really doesn’t matter.
Okay, now that the hard part is out of the way we can get to the corresponding level of deserved gifts. If at this point, any women reading this blog think that this is sexist and women like to fish as well, I can assure you that it is not sexist at all. As any man can tell you, a wife that fishes with her husband moves beyond the five star categories and gets WHATEVER she wants because she is the woman that dreams are made of. I know this because I am married to one. Now this next part can be copied and pasted and brought to the flyshop of your desire and pick the proper gifts for your husband.(keep in mind, only the Drift Fly Shop has any idea what you are talking about and this list will spontaneously burst into flame upon entering any other fly shop.
Five Star gifts *****
A Sage One or a Winston BIII-x or a Winston BIII-SX (Size 9 foot 5 weight)
A brand new pair of Simms G3 Waders with new wading boots(please bring measurements or size)
A new Ross Evolution or a Lamson Lightspeed loaded with a brand spanking new Line( bring the rod so we can match it up with the proper line)
A half day guide trip scheduled with the Awesomest guide on the face of the planet. ( Cat)
***** stocking stuffers could be flies, flyboxes, leaders, fluorocarbon tippet, Simms layering or Simms winter accessories.
Three Star gifts***
A Sage Approach, Response or a closeout Flight, Any St Croix or Reddington rod.( bring length and weight desired because this may be a situational rod)
A Ross CLA or a Lamson GURU reel( bring rod so we can match up proper reel)
A pair of Reddington Sonic Seam or Simms Headwater Waders with matching boots.(remember to bring measurements or size)
A half day Guide trip Scheduled with either Alex or Connell(semi yawn)
Any Simms or Fishpond clothing or a Fishpond vest.
***Stocking Stuffers could be flies, flyboxes, Leader and tippet, gift certificates, cigar humidor, or Simms winter accessories.
One Star gifts*
A broken compass for your next big hiking adventure.
A half day guide trip scheduled with Alex or Connell( keep in mind she knows you will be away from the house and busy for at least four hours).
Hefty trash bags that you can tape around your legs so you don’t get too wet.
*stocking stuffers could be whatever….
Okay, hopefully these premade lists can make your Season of Getting a much more pleasant one for both you and your wife. I know the husband rating may be a little tough for couples to get through but if you are having a difficult time, use it as a learning experience and become the man she wants so you can get the stuff you want next year. Some of us are very lucky and even though we are Not, are wives still think we belong in the five star category. Enough fun for this blog so Connell, Cat, Alex and The Drift Fly Shop would like to wish you a Great Christmas season and thanks for reading…..