Pride and Prejudice..

Pride and Prejudice  

While Connell has been amazing with his word smithing and has composed the last thirty or so blogs after the fishing events of today, I wanted to suck it up and talk about the important lessons I learned today.  Thank you to all his loyal fans for letting me intrude a bit and letting Cat write a bit J

So this blog is really two things.  It is both a fishing report and a letter of explanation and apology to Connell.  If you have no interest in the inner workings of my mind (Cat’s) then skip to the bottom and you’ll see a quick report….

                After being in the shop for a week straight and Connell having the flu the O’Grady Clan has been missing the water sincerely and has been itching to get some fishy action.  With the Broncos out of the running and with Connell able to breathe out of both nostrils we knew that today would be the day to get in a good scratch.  Our standards were not high, we never expected to do great today.  With the lack of active bugs, the mixed reports, and the heavy traffic we expected nothing more than a chance to get our boots wet and maybe pick up a fish here and there.  What I definitely did not expect was the battle of Pride and Prejudice that I would face water side.

Reaching the water we instantly saw the river dotted both up and down with fisherman.  Expecting it to be packed we were not slighted in the least and merely set to work hunting out spots.  Splitting up Connell and I went into different areas sandwiched between about six other guys.  Finding no success for myself I kept glancing over my shoulder at Connell to see if he was faring any better.   Watching him hook a few and land one I was instantly filled with two emotions; the first was relief that he had keyed into what they were feeding on and the second was pressure.  Here’s why:

Firstly, the fly fishing industry is amazing and I wouldn’t trade my years being a professional for anything.  I love everything about fly fishing and so many of the amazing people I have had a chance to meet and become friends with because of our mutual passion, but as a woman, and one in her twenties, I face a very different set of standards then my male counter parts.  Every day I am in shop I have to prove I know what I am talking about.  Now you might be thinking Cat is just being over sensitive and that it is the same for all shop employees.  Trust me it’s not.  Even though I PRIDE myself on being an expert on both the Arkansas River Tailwater and Fly Fishing as a whole I still face Prejudice every day.  I have guys new to the shop walk right past me and ask other customers for help assuming they are more likely to have answers I would not.  Men will call the shop and ask to talk to a guy because they need a fishing report, I have even had men walk in the shop and turn around and leave without even talking to me.  All these things and more have happened and I am sure they will continue, but being a positive person I always see these as opportunities.  With each person who came to understand that I knew what I was talking about it become a success and after eight years I have learned to find the Prejudice as comical instead of offensive.   Instead of taking it personally I see it now as their loss, because I might have been able to help them learn something.

 I thought that after all these years I was immune to any back wash from these experiences, but what I realized today was that I was not.  Whenever I fish I am still consumed with the obsession of perfection and PRIDE.

So feeling the need to keep up with my male counterpart the pressure ran high and I abandoned my spot.  I frog hopped the guys upstream from me and began searching for fish in a run that I always sight fish in.  I walked back and forth several times and couldn’t find the fish that were always there waiting for me.  Giving up on seeing them I decided to try and fish blind.  After only fifteen minutes I had altered my weight three times and switched out flies twice.  Still no fish.  I could feel the eyes of the guys around me.  I felt like I knew what they were thinking.  “Look at that chic she must be out here with her husband or dad.  What a waste of good water…. She hasn’t even hooked a fish yet.  I wish she would move and let someone who knows what they’re doing get in there.”  This is what I felt like they were thinking.  Of course this is proof of my paranoia, but after facing some of the things I have over the last serveral years I think I am a bit justified in it. 

Eventually Connell came up and after letting me know that his fish had all taken a red blood midge we decided to move up to a section of slow water we never typically fish.  This move was Connell’s idea, based on the fact that we were not seeing fish in the normal areas.  Reaching the slow water we divided it up and started fishing.  Within seconds Connell hooked a fish.  His area had a bit more current then the spot I was fishing so I decided to go up river from him.  Unfortunately there was another person fishing just above him and so I had to move into the more traditional area of quicker water.  “That’s ok” I told myself.   “I know what I am doing.  I can still catch fish here.  Maybe I just need to figure out better depth for this type of water. “  Then I hear Connell  “This is a nice one babe.”  I turn and look and sure enough there is a beautiful fish in his net.  I was genuinely happy for him but still more pressure came.  Then I hooked a fish……. Instant relief followed.  “Ok here we go.” I thought.  Then for the next half an hour I watched while Connell hooked and landed several fish, while I couldn’t get a bump.  …. More pressure and now building frustration.  At that point Connell started to try and convince me to share the run with him.  “Babe the fish are all stacked in here.” He pleaded.  

I should have just walked over and joined him but my Pride stood in the way.  I didn’t want to catch fish he found.  I didn’t want to look like the helpless female that had to have her husband find her fish.  I couldn’t let all those men watching our every move know that I was struggling and needed help.  All it takes is one mistake, one hint of weakness, and all of “their” assumption would be concreted as fact.  So stubbornly I refused.  Until finally Connell had had enough of my pig headedness.  “Cat COME HERE AND CATCH THESE FISH!!!!.”   His yelling this was mortifying.   I knew what all the guys there were thinking “It must be a pain to try and teach a chic to fish.”  So being the great wife I am I yelled at Connell, for the first time in our ENTIRE marriage, “Fine I’ll be RIGHT THERE.” 

Walking up across from Connell he shouted out directions as to where to stand and where to cast.  I wanted nothing more than to run away and hide.  All of those years of proving to people I knew what I was doing and trying desperately to overcome PREJUDICE and here I was being instructed like a six year old.  However, having already yelled at him I just quietly obeyed and did as he said.  Two casts later I hooked a fish.  I wanted to cry…. But THERE IS NO CRYING IN FISHING.  So I didn’t.  I hated that fish.  How could he back stab me I thought sourly, I didn’t want to catch fish here.  I wanted to catch them in the spots I FOUND.   Connell quickly laughed at the second cast fish and went on to tell me that it was clear that the majority of the fish had moved into the slow deep water and that this hole was just loaded with fish…. I listened to him chat while I pouted… then one by one I started hooking and landing fish, lots of fish and even landed one over 18” Then instantly I was having a blast.   After all the tension was gone and I was back on my game I looked around and realized that all those men who I thought were staring at and judging me were gone and in fact we were alone on the water!!!  I was so consumed by appearance that I had lost sight of everything.  How to adjust to the fishing conditions, how to keep an open mind and take suggestion, and mainly the fact that I was out there to have FUN. 

It was at that moment everything slid into prospective: 

-          It didn’t matter what the people on the river thought of me, only what the fish thought

-          I am a great fisherman and Connell just happened to take the area where the fish had pooled into.

-          All that time I spent fighting PREJUDICE I had let my PRIDE grow to an unmanageable level

-           Connell only wanted to share the joy of fish with me and NEVER was doubting my abilities

And lastly that I deeply love fishing and a bad day on the water is simply a chance to learn something new.   So I want to thank Connell for his help today and to also ask for forgiveness.  I am sorry I am a freak…. But you knew that right? Love You!J

If you missed the report written in that mess that is Cat’s psyche here is the quick rundown:

Fish have moved to deep slow water.  Bugs are few and far between.  The fish actively fed on Red Blood Midges and Connell’s Marklar.   Using enough weight and 6x fluorocarbon is very important.   

I know this was a very long blog but if you stuck with it here is a reward……fish porn from today…….