Christmas is only
four weeks away so I decided I would write this in hopes of a truly “Merry
Christmas” for all the fly fishermen out there. As a Christian man, I
understand that Christmas is supposed to only be about the birth of our Savior;
however as far back as I can remember, I have been trained that it is more
about the physical gifts. I remember struggling with this so hard in my first
marriage, I think it was my second Christmas being married and I thought I had
been particularly good that year. I had been eyeballing a new fishing vest and
had dropped several hints as to how much I needed a new one and was convinced
my wife was going to get me one for Christmas. I eagerly awaited and checked
out my wrapped gift for the full two weeks before Christmas. Some nights I
would shake it and weigh it and I was convinced it was the vest and perhaps a
new fly box as well. Well, when Christmas Eve arrived I patiently let the kids
open all of their presents and then I was finally able to rip open mine. I tore
off the paper and could not believe what I was looking at; a toolbox and a pair
of dress socks. I am sure I said thanks but was definitely thinking “wtheck”; I
own 4 screwdrivers, three wrenches and one pair of Visegrips that are scattered
among the 10 stores we owned. And the socks? I wear shorts all but about one
month out of the year. What will these ever be used for? Needless to say wife number two has never made this mistake hehe.
This blog is my
attempt at making sure our readers never have to go through Christmas
frustrated again. This blog will be set up as the ultimate Christmas gift
getting guide for the fly angler with leeway as to what kind of husband you
have been during the year. The hardest part will be for you and your wife to
determine the husband category that you fall into this year. I have set up a
very simple five, three, and one star husband graph determined by the characteristics
and actions of said husband and then set up a corresponding gift list for
achieved category.
First husband will be the five star husband *****
This is the husband
that has had less than two serious arguments throughout the year and in both
cases, came to his senses and apologized before things got out of control. This
person delivered a perfect date night at least twice a month for the entire
year and never once got caught checking out the hot waitress(Texas Roadhouse or
Red Lobster). This person allowed the spouse to pick the vacation itinerary and
never once complained about how stupid the museums, the opera or the ambiance
were. This person continued to pay the credit card bill on time and never once mentioned
that they needed to be a little more prudent in the budgeting tactics. This
person was needed to be reminded less than five times for the year that the
trash, the lawn and the vacuuming needed to be done. I will now leave a little
space for you to add a few of your own.
Second husband will be the three star husband***
This is the more
typical of the husbands out there, he is generally looked at as being a great
guy but a few times a year lets his anger get out of control and causes the
wife to cry and the kids to think they are getting a divorce and then, after finally
coming to his senses he makes the proper apology with flowers and dinner(Chilis
or Applebees). This person gets caught either looking at things on the computer
or scrambled late night Cinemax a few times during the year. This persons’ date
night sometimes gets cut short in order to get home in time for Sportcenter.
This persons vacations end up in either a camper trailer at San Isabel or in a
camper trailer on a beach where he swears he had no idea that it was Spring
Break and the beach would be packed with barely covered young ladies. This
person is generally pretty good at the household chores but now and then blurts
out that the kids can take out the trash as well as he can. Once again, here is
some space to add a few of your own.
The third husband is the one star husband*
This is the couple
that ended up together because it was easier than breaking up. Arguments are of
very little need because you don’t really care what the other thinks. Vacations
are wherever. Chores sometimes get done sometime they don’t. Intimacy happens
when Sportcenter is either over or not at all. I will not leave space to add
your own due to the fact that it really doesn’t matter.
Okay, now that the
hard part is out of the way we can get to the corresponding level of deserved
gifts. If at this point, any women reading this blog think that this is sexist
and women like to fish as well, I can assure you that it is not sexist at all.
As any man can tell you, a wife that fishes with her husband moves beyond the
five star categories and gets WHATEVER she wants because she is the woman that
dreams are made of. I know this because I am married to one. Now this next part
can be copied and pasted and brought to the flyshop of your desire and pick the
proper gifts for your husband.(keep in mind, only the Drift Fly Shop has any
idea what you are talking about and this list will spontaneously burst into
flames upon entering any other fly shop.
Five Star gifts *****
A Scott Radian or a
Winston BIII-x or a Winston BIII-SX (Size 9 foot 5 weight)
A brand new pair of
Simms G3 Waders with new wading boots(please bring measurements or size)
A new Hatch Finatic,
Ross Evolution, or Lamson Lightspeed loaded with a brand spanking new Line(
bring the rod so we can match it up with the proper line)
A half day guide
trip scheduled with the Awesomest guide on the face of the planet. ( Cat)
A pair of the new
Smith Chroma Pop Sunglasses (a sight fishing necessity).
***** stocking stuffers could be flies, flyboxes, leaders,
fluorocarbon tippet, Simms layering or Simms winter accessories. The new
Waypoints flyfishing video.
Three Star gifts***
A Sage Approach,
Response, a Winston GVX, or a Scott A4.( bring length and weight desired
because this may be a situational rod)
A Ross CLA or a Lamson
GURU reel( bring rod so we can match up proper reel)
A pair of Reddington
Sonic Seam or Simms Headwater Waders with matching boots.(remember to bring
measurements or size)
A half day Guide
trip Scheduled with either Alex or Connell(semi yawn)
Any Simms or
Fishpond clothing or a Fishpond vest.
A new pair of the
Smith Chroma Pop Sunglasses (a sight fishing necessity).
***Stocking Stuffers
could be flies, flyboxes, Leader and tippet, gift certificates, cigar humidor,
or Simms winter accessories. Videos or books.
One Star gifts*
A broken compass for
your next big hiking adventure.
A half day guide trip
scheduled with anyone but Cat keep in mind she knows you will be away from
the house and busy for at least four hours).
Hefty trash bags
that you can tape around your legs so you don’t get too wet.
*stocking stuffers
could be whatever….
Okay, hopefully
these premade lists can make your “Season of Getting” a much more pleasant one
for both you and your wife. I know the husband rating may be a little tough for
couples to get through but if you are having a difficult time, use it as a
learning experience and become the man she wants so you can get the stuff you
want next year. Some of us are very lucky and even though we are Not, are wives
still think we belong in the five star category. Yes I know this is a repeat
from last year but I enjoyed it so much I decided to run it again this year.
Enough fun for this blog so Connell, Cat, Alex and The Drift Fly Shop would
like to wish you a Great Christmas season and thanks for reading…..
No comments:
Post a Comment